The Beach City Conspiracy
by CrystalDinnerGuest
Summary: Mulder and Scully visit a quiet beach town
1. Chapter 1

The fat young man peered out from behind the rock. It was a dark moonless night as a glowing green light passed in front of his hiding place. The young man pulled down the cut rate infrared googles he bought in the net and spoke into the recorder.

"Log date October 27th. After several nights of surveillance the android has finally left the base alone,"said Ronaldo Fryman. "Will apprehend the target and take her to the base."

Ronaldo pulled out a large sac. He jumped out from behind the rock. A snarling set of orange jaws lunged at him.

The next morning Ronaldo Frymans' bloated naked body lay still on the beach. Two pasty skinned young men stared at the body. The skinny one picked up a stick and poked Ronaldo.

"Yep he's dead," said Terrence.

Dr. Priyanka Maheswaran tore out the stick from the boy's hand. "Show some respect for the dead," she snarled.

The two paramedics came forward and put Ronaldo's remains in a body bag.

A couple of hundred miles away in the basemen of FBI headquarter a ferret faced man peered into the computer screen.

"Hey Dana, how would you like to visit the beach?" cried Fox Mulder.


	2. October 29th

Dana peered down skeptically at the newspaper article. From the looks of it, it was a simple death by misadventure.

"So why do you really want to go to Beach City, Mulder?" she asked.

Mulder smirked and pointed at the article below. It said 'Beach City's First Annual Halloween Festival.'

Dana Mulder-Scully should have been disappointed but she was not. "Really? You want to waste government time and money so you can go to a festival?"

"C'mon Dana. Halloween's my favorite holiday. Besides there will be rides and candy apples. You like candy apples don't you?" Mulder looked and sounded like a little boy right now.

Dana couldn't resist that face. "Okay but we're going to do this by the book and then we can enjoy the rides."

"Thank you Dana, I'll warm up the car. We'll be in Beach City in no time."

"No so fast. Beach City has only 75 permanent residents. The Sheriff's office is in Ocean Town."

"Aww c'mon Dana."

"Also the Coroner's office as well."

"You're no fun."

By early afternoon they had made it to Ocean Town's Sheriff's office. Inside the Sheriff was busy talking to someone on the phone. Other than a single drunk in the cell the building was empty.

"No you can't open an apple cider stand what part of the no alcohol contract don't you understand?" said the Sheriff. Slamming the phone he shrieked as he finally noticed Mulder and Scully.

"Whoa you scared the Beejesus out of me. What do you want?" asked the Sheriff.

Mulder flipped open his ID, "Agents Mulder and Scully FBI. We're investigating the death of Ronaldo Fryman."

"Ronaldo Fryman was a stupid kid. He poked his nose into everything."

"Sir the circumstances of his death were quite suspicious," added Dana. "Don't you find it strange that he was found naked on the beach?Sheriff?"

"Freeman. The kid got lucky before he died. Good for him," snapped back the Sheriff.

"Yet he's dead. Aren't you looking into it?" asked Mulder.

"The Coroner ruled it as death by misadventure."

"I'd like to see this that report," added Dana.

The Sheriff grumbled her practically flung the report at Scully. "See that, it says death by anaphalactic shock. There are no signs of poison, no signs of drugs or any signs of violence. So no I am not going to dig in any further into the death of a local troublemake. Look, the Halloween fair is running me off my feet. The summer staff is gone. The only reason I agreed to this stupid fair was that Beach City promised not to serve any alcohol. So there is no way I'm going into that weird little town to investigate what was clearly an accidental death."

"What do you mean weird little town?" asked Mulder.

"Weird accidents, weird people. You think Ronaldo was weird, take a load at the new Funland staff. You're obviously here for the fair now go away and I won't report you for wasting the taxpayer's money." With that he shoved the two agents out and slammed the station's door shut.

Scully turned to Mulder, "I told you that pumpkin tie was unprofessional."

"Can't I have a little fun?"

"Not until we see the coroner's."


	3. Oceantown

The next stop was the Coroner's at Ocean City hospital. As Scully read the report Mulder drove their car. Whatever town Ocean town was it was certainly not a tourist town at least not a successful one.

The shops and buildings had an air of seediness about it. There were no cafe's, souvenir stores not even a McDonald's. Finally to their relief they were at Ocean Town General.

When they got to the morgue the Coroner a South Asian woman was on the phone, "- sure she stays inside. It isn't safe for her." She hung up and turned to the two agents. "Excuse me just who are you?"

"Dr, Maheswaran? I'm Dana Scully and this is my partner Fox Mulder FBI. We're investigating the death of Ronaldo Fryman,"Dana and Fox flashed their badges.

"Well be quick about it. I'm getting ready to ship him off to Oceanberg Medical school," said Dr. Maheswaran brusquely.

"Not so fast, we discovered some anomalies while looking at your report. According to this you, yourself discovered the body at 5 am?" asked Dana.

"I live in Beach City. I was out collecting seashells."

"Really? Because the water's quite cold this time of year," asked Mulder. Dr. Maheswaran frowned.

"And you said Ronaldo death was caused by anaphalactic shock. Do you have any idea what caused it?" added Scully.

"Pumpkins, Ronaldo Fryman was allergic to pumpkins. There's nothing strange or weird going on. It's Halloween and he came into contact with a pumpkin. End of story."

"Except you found him naked on the beach, the temple beach?" added Mulder. He raised his eyebrows at Dana.

"Beach City is blessed with two beaches, one of them has huge rock carving called 'the Temple'. Ronaldo was the local eccentric and he did have a girlfriend," replied Dr. Maheswaran.

"And what was the name of this girlfriend?"

"Jane something. She lived in Oceantown."

Scully in the meantime had unzipped Ronaldo's body bag. She poked at what was clearly a bite mark with traces of Pumpkin?

"Dr, Maheswaran, I'm seeing what looks like and animal bite yet there is no mention of it in your autopsy report," said Dana.

"It's under scavenger damage. The seagulls took a few bites out of him," said .

"None the less I would like to do a full autopsy, cancel the hearse."

"Well my shift is ending. I'm heading home to my family. Turn off the lights when you're done," With that Dr. Maheswaran left.

"I'm going to Beach City check out where the body was found, book us a hotel." He kissed his wife goodbye.

Dana had often accused Mulder of not having his priorities straight but in this case Mulder disagreed. In front of him stood a charming little motel just outside of town. It was in walking distance of the beach and the fairground but not too close, As Mulder stepped up to the front desk one thing was on his mind.

"Does this hotel have WI-FI?" he asked.

Now Mulder could go and scope out the town but the drive was long and it was getting late. There were other ways of getting info. So with that Mulder plopped himself in a comfortable chair and opened his laptop.

At first go Mulder could see that Fryman was more than just an eccentric, He was the local crackpot. T Ronadlo Fryman had a blog called Keep Beach City Weird. It was filled with wild and crazy theories jumping from alien Sneeple to Rock people and Ronaldo's clearly empty love life. Ronaldo even claimed there was a base on the moon with what was clearly a doctored photo of a barn. Still Mulder kept reading the obviously delusional young man's site until he came to an interesting file

Mulder was just about to click on a file called Android Alien sightings when the website suddenly cut off. He tried again only to find the site now shut down. Suddenly his cell rang.

"Yes, Dana. I'll pick you up. I've already got us a nice hotel. Find anything interesting? Well I found something or rather not found something. I'll tell you over dinner. How does pizza sound?"


	4. Dinner dATE

Dana glared at Mulder from across the table.

"Well don't blame me. This was only restaurant open so late," exclaimed Mulder.

They were sitting at Fish Stew Pizza. And after years of fieldwork Scully was sick of pizza. Mulder was about to open his mouth again when a tiny costumed waitress walked up. Though her clothes were normal everything else was not. She had spiky blue hair and blue skin. She looked like an ice sculpture.

"Welcome to Fish Stew Pizza how may I help you?" the waitress smiled revealing a set of shark like teeth.

"I'll have a Pilsner beer and a small seafood pizza," said Mulder.

"Do you have anything other than pizza?" asked Scully.

"We have a large selection of fish and seafood dishes," smiled the waitress again.

"Alright how about a decaf coffee and some fish and chips?"

"Sorry due to the Beach City Boardwalk treaty of 2016 we're not allowed to serve fries."

"Treaty?"

"It's before my time. We still have an excellent selection."

"How about calamari?"

"Banned by the treaty as well as any deep fried foods."

"Then what would you suggest?"

"How about our baked haddock and sea asparagus?"

After the waitress took their orders Mulder turned to Scully, "So what did you find out from Ronaldo's autopsy?"

"Sorry I thought I saw something. That Ronaldo Fryman was wearing clothes when he died."

"What?!"

"I found traces of fiber in the wound. Definitely an animal bite though. And to top it all off the were no traces of sexual activity."

The waitress came back with their food. Scully had looked happily at her seafood pasta while Mulder did not. On top of his pizza was raw fish and seafood.

"Excuse me is this some sort of joke?" asked Mulder.

"Oh yeah sorry about that. I'll take it right back," exclaimed the waitress. "Hey Gypsum you're supposed to cook the fish with the pizza!"

"I can definitely see what they mean by weird little town," smiled Mulder.

"It gets weirder. According to strains and bruises on the body, it looks like Ronaldo's clothes were removed after death."

"Why would anybody do that!?"

"Good question, let's check it out - tomorrow."

"And then we can eat some candy apples."

Just outside the restaurant Priyanka Maheswaran peeked through the window before making a quick call. "Hello Steven this is Dr. Maheswaran. There are 2 FBI agents snooping around in Beach City. ..They're investigating Ronaldo's death. You have to hide the Gems. I don't know maybe in the temple caves or something. I'm alerting Mayor Nanafua. And remember keep her out of sight."


	5. October 30th Midnight in Little Homeworl

"All right everybody order, order!" shouted Garnet as she banged the gavel. As the de facto mayor of Little Homeworld it was her right. "Steven to you."

There were in Little Homeworld's town Hall. In front of Steven sat the entire population of Little Homeworld as well as prominent members of Beach City. Steven could feel the eyes of everyone staring at him especially that of Peridot and the baby. It was up to Steven to calm them down.

"In spite all our best efforts to be discrete, the FBI has taken notice. Two FBI agents have come into town to investigate Ronaldo Fryman's death. To make matters worse it looks like they're staying for the Festival," announced Steven. "So from now on all Gems will have to stay within little Homeworld until further notice and the Halloween Festival will be canceled."

The entire hall exploded in an uproar.

"Steven, the entire town will lose thousands of dollars, no millions," cried Nanafua.

"It isn't fair! Why should be suffer because of Ronaldo did?" shouted out the Heaven Beetle.

"Steven I cannot run the Big Donut on my own,"called out Dewey.

Steven slammed his hand down,"Look life isn't fair. Ronaldo died trying to abduct Peridot and the baby. The last thing we need to attract attention from the outside world."

"Steven we were attracting attention when we decided on this Halloween festival. The entire town spent hundreds of thousands of dollars. If we do not continue Beach City will be bankrupt,"countered the Mayor.

Steven turned to his father, "Dad can you help me out?"

"Steven not even I have that much money," replied Greg.

"Besides it will look suspicious if we just up and cancel," said Koffee Pizza.

"Fine run the fair," shot back Steven. "All Gems are to stay in Little Homeworld then. Peridot can whip up something to hide the town?"

"Steven that's in the realm of science fiction," the green alien was holding the baby, a little green version of herself, on her knee."

"Well maybe this wouldn't have happened if you had stayed where you belonged!" shouted Connie.

"That's enough Connie! One more word and I'm breaking up with you. As for the rest of you. Hire some human staff then."

The crowd was in an uproar. Neither Gem or Human was happy. Garnet was about to bang the gavel when a pink form stood up.

"Steven, it will look suspicious if half of Beach City just up and left," said Amethyst.

"Well what should we do? Because I can't think of a better way to hide over 100 Gems," shot back Steven.

"My time in space has taught me a lot of things. How to hide and fit in. How do you think I stole the Sun Incinerator?. It's Halloween the solution is right in front of us. We're going to hide in plain sight," with a flourish Lars put on his cape. "Space Captain Lars at your service."

"What about us fusions?" fretted Rhodonite.

"Separate, it will be good for you to spend sometime as yourselves," smiled Garnet.

"Not all of us look that human,"sighed a translucent Gem.

Steven's eyes sparkled, "Costumes, we'll get you all fitted up with costumes. You could be the Grim Reaper, an Angel or even a mermaid. In fact we should all wear costumes."

"This idea is stupid,"added Mr. Fryman.

"It is the best idea I heard in a long time," countered Koffee.

"Still what about the pumpkin?"asked Fryman.

"Alright now that everything's in order. It's been a long night everybody get some sleep."


	6. Morning in Beach City

Fox woke up as his wife Dana stepped out of bed.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"I'm going to reconstruct the discovery of Ronaldo's body, starting off with collecting seashells."

"After last night's wrestling match? I'm surprised to see you up so early," teased Mulder.

"Mulder it is 7:00 am" Ever the army brat Dana was used to early mornings. Mulder was not.

"Okay I'll just get a little shut eye while you shower. We can meet up later," yawned Mulder.

"You can get us breakfast," ordered his wife throwing a pillow at his face.

In the early morning light Dana was combing the beach. Aside from two pasty skinned boys about Ronaldo's age she was alone. She had just found a large pair of boxers decorated with swastikas when Mulder suddenly kissed her cheek.

"Morning beautiful, I got us breakfast," said Mulder with a cocky grin.

"Oh great what stale delights did you get at the Big Donut?"

"Only the freshest apple turnovers and coffee this side of the coast."

"That's unusual." Dana put the boxers in a plastic bag.

"It wasn't the only thing. The donut boy was bright pink and wearing a pirate's costume."

"Really getting into the Halloween spirit aren't they?"

"And what are you doing?"

"I'm reenacting the discovery of Ronaldo's body. The water sure is cold."

Behind them came a fizzing sound and one of the young men crumbled to the ground. The two agents went into action.

"FBI, freeze," Mulder flashed his badge.

"Stand aside I'm a doctor," shouted Scully as she ran towards the fallen boy.

She looked at the young man's pulse and looked at his pupils while Mulder studied the two. They were both in their late 20's with pale pasty skin. From the looks of their tatty T-shirts they didn't get out much. The fat one lay on the ground while the skinny one clutched his prize.

"Not so fast, what are you doing here?"asked the skinny one.

"Just a minor shock you're lucky," announced Scully. The fat one sat up.

"I'm Agent Mulder and this is Agent Scully. We're investigating the death of Ronaldo Fryman," answered Mulder.

"So are we," said the fat one.

"Ronaldo was our comrade. He invited us over to help him root out the truth but when we got here he was dead," said the skinny one.

"And what is the truth Mr.-?" asked Scully.

"Call me Truthknower," said Skinny.

"And I'm Benny Sprat," said Fatso. "Ronaldo Fryman was in the process of capturing a genuine alien, We were going to interrogate her but he was eliminated first."

"I hate to say this but Mr. Fryman died from an allergy," said Dana.

"That's what they want you to believe but we know better. We've taken up camp in Ronaldo's old headquarters. Want to come?"Skinny extended his hand.

"Terrance, why are you showing the enemy the lighthouse?"

"Because Mulder has more resources than we do! And it's Truthknower."

The two conspiracy theorists lead Fox and Dana up a steep hill. Truthknower answered all of Mulder questions while ignoring Scully. Fatso stared gloomily at Dana.

"...And for the sake of our zoo animals Ronaldo felt it necessary to call us," said Truthknower proudly as he reached for the lighthouse door. "Hey it's locked! They can't do that!"

"Actually they can. Lighthouses are property of the US Coast Guard and as such Ronaldo was trespassing," replied Mulder.

"But all our stuff is there. Our clothes, our evidence, my Ipad,"sobbed Sprat.

Skinny peered into a window,"It's all cleaned out. They've taken our stuff. What do we do now!?"

"Go home," said Mulder flatly.

The two young men walked away sobbing like a pair of babies.

"Well that was interesting," said Dana.

"And productive," smirked Mulder. He held up the taser. "Hey look Dana there's a temple or something on the beach."

Sure enough at the bottom of the cliff lay a huge temple and a beach house.

"This must be the temple beach let's check it out," declared Scully.

Moments later Mulder whistled, "I can see why this is called temple beach."

In front of them sat a huge stone woman. She had several arms, one of which was holding a washer and dryer. She seemed to clasp a beach house in front of her protectively, as wooden steps led right up to the front door. At the foot of the stairs lay some toys and a stroller.

"I wonder why this wasn't mentioned in the brochures?" asked Mulder.

"I wonder if they saw anything," replied Dana.

By the time they reached the front door both agents were puffing. Mulder glimpsed and saw a pumpkin standing guard at the window. He knocked the door. A dog inside started yapping away. The door opened and a flash of orange zipped out between Mulder and Scully's feet.

"Pumpkin no!" called out a young man.

Mulder flashed his badge, "Agents Mulder and Scully, we're investigating the death of Ronaldo Fryman. May we come in?"

Mulder could practically see the gears turning in his head. Steven stared out and then after a moment let them in.

"Peridot there are some guys investigating Ronaldo's death," shouted out Steven.

"Again!? That was 3 days ago," shouted a voice.

A small form carried something into a back room and then walked over to where Steven was sitting at the couch. Where Steven was dressed simply in jeans and a black T shirt, Peridot was not. She wore a lime green jumpsuit with bright yellow boots and huge yellow glasses. To top it all off her skin was painted green and she had a pyramidal hairstyle.

The two agents stared at the girl.

"We were just about to go to the fair," stated Peridot.

"Er yes, I can't help but notice that your house is right on the beach where Ronaldo Fryman died," stated Scully. "You must of seen or heard something."

"No! I was out of town that day visiting my grandmother," replied Steven.

"And what was the nature of the visit?" asked Mulder skeptically.

"We were showing her little Dorothy. Weren't we Steven? added Peridot hastily.

"Er, yeah. Now if you'll excuse us nothing illegal is happening here so please leave."

"Except for the fact that you've built your house right on the beach breaking Delmarva's zoning laws," added Scully.

"Really, you're trying to pin this on us?" asked Peridot.

"Well don't blame us if your house gets swept out to sea during the next hurricane," said Mulder.

"We won't, please leave,"said Steven.

After reaching the beach again. Mulder turned to Scully. "Hey Scully let's take a snack break." He reached into his coat. "Why those- Dana those little bastards ate our turnovers."

Dana meanwhile was poking around at the shoreline. "Hey Fox look what I found." She pulled out a waterlogged roll of duct tape. "I think a pretty good idea what happened. Don't you?"

Her stomach growled. "I think I have a pretty good idea what you want."

The two agents walked to the boardwalk. Soon they came across a storefront that said 'Beach City Fries.' As soon as they reached the serving window they got a full serving of drama.

"My brother wasn't a well man. Our family's been torn apart. Dad can barely function. And here you come raking up the mud. Why can't you FBI vultures leave us alone?!" shouted a scrawny teenager.

"Well actually we came for a couple of servings of fish and chips," said Scully.

"Oh!,Well you can't have any. The Beach City treaty forbids us from serving any seafood. Not that I would serve you anything," replied Peedee.

"Er just who are you again?" asked Mulder.

"I'm Peedee Fryman, Ronaldo's brother."

"Peedee what is the meaning of this?" shouted a fat man marching towards the two agents.

"I was asking these two FBI agents to leave," stammered Peedee.

"Not that! This!" the fat man pointed to a pumpkin on the sill.

"It's just a Jack o' lantern."

"Well it's in bad taste," with that Mr. Fryman picked up the pumpkin and smashed on the ground. With a hatred Mulder had never seen against vegetables Mr. Fryman stomped on the pumpkin again and again.

The two agents inched away. "We better find a food truck or something," said Fox.


	7. An Afternoon at the Fair

Peridot brought the screaming baby into the living room. Steven stared out the window.

"Why is little Dot crying?" asked Steven.

"She misses Pumpkin," replied Peridot. "Have the agents left the beach?"

"They picked up Ronaldo's duct tape and then headed for the boardwalk."

"Well then, time to start looking for Pumpkin."

"Peri, the baby."

"Oh stop it! With her little green onesie and my jumpsuit we're a matched set. Besides do you want them to find Pumpkin?"

"You're right but keep an eye out for those two. I wonder what they're doing right now?"

Mulder practically dragged Scully right up to Funland's gates.

"C'mon Scully life's short,"he called out.

"I would feel better if we finished our report," said Scully.

"There's time for that later," Mulder turned to the ticket booth.

"I didn't see nothing officer. I live on the other side of town," blurted out Mr. Smilely.

"I was going to ask what was that huge white dome was."

"Oh, that's the brand new water park. Perfectly heated and chlorinated, perfectly legal," giggled Smilely.

"All we wanted was 2 day passes, not drama," said Scully. She really hated Dr. Maheswaran right now. "Come along Fox."

"But I wanted to go to the water park," whined Mulder as Scully dragged him away.

"We didn't bring our swimsuits."

On the way to Beach City's only clothing store, a voice called out.

"You there! Let me tell you your fortune," called out Padparascha.

The defective Sapphire was waving to them in a homemade booth. She wore a scarf on her head and large earrings. Instead of a crystal ball Padparascha had a basketball in front of her.

Mulder made puppy dog eyes at Dana, "Alright let's waste our money."

"Yippee!"

"You are the two FBI agents from Washington," announced Padparascha.

"Really? I imagine the entire town knows that," said Scully scathingly.

"Does the entire town know you're married?" That gave the agents a start. Padparascha continued, "You Fox Mulder want your wife to have some fun. You've both been experiencing a lot of on the job stress. And you Dana Scully are afraid that your overlords will use your trip to Beach City to fire you."

"You got us there," sighed Mulder.

"You already have all you need. My advice is to type up your report and then have fun at the fair."

"A little difficult since everyone treats use like the Gestapo," added Dana.

"You brought costumes. Wear them! Oh, and Beach City T shirts doesn't sell swimsuits this time of year."

After paying the odd little girl Mulder turned to Scully, "Hey that kid was very good."

Later, in their hotel room's bathroom Mulder put the final bits of makeup on. "Hey Dana I'm coming out, let's see your sexy costume." he called out.

As he stepped out of the room a huge black bird thing greeted him. It laughed at his costume.

"Hey Dana, you were supposed to get a sexy costume. What are you?"

"You said a scary costume. I'm a plague doctor. What are you wearing?"

Mulder straightened up. "I am Pennywise the clown."

"Well you're neither sexy nor scary! Nice frills."

"You won't say that once I'm in my swimsuit!"

"What? You going to be scary?"

Mulder chased her around the room. Later on the couple walked up to Funland's gates.

"We'd like two day passes including a pass to the water park, please," asked Scully.

"Certainly, put these bracelets on. Make sure it's visible," smiled Smilely.

In no time they reached the water park. Mulder gaped like a kid in a candy store.

"Who-whee look at that. There's the turbo twister, a wave pool and the slingshot. What do you want to go on first?" cried Mulder.

"I'm concerned about if these pools are warm enough," said Scully.

"Our water is kept at a steady temperature of 90 degrees Fahrenheit. I take pride in my work," said the lifeguard. The lifeguard was a bright blue. She wore a shell bikini top and mermaid's tail that covered her legs.

"You make it sound like you're actually operating the water park,"said Mulder.

"Whatev's, Hey no running on the deck," shouted Lapis to a couple of kids by paddle pool.

"Hey Fox let's try out the Surfing Safari!"

Mulder smiled. Finally Dana was getting into the Halloween spirit.

Later on in the evening an exhausted Steven and Peridot entered the Beach house. Little Dot slept on Peridot's shoulder.

"Well that's just great!"griped Steven. "We've been searching for hours and still no sign of Pumpkin. Meanwhile the Mr. Fryman is on a pumpkin smashing rampage and the FBI agents have decided to tour the Fair. What else could go wrong?"

Upstairs Steven could hear the warp pad flash. A pair of squeaky feet ran down the stairs and Spinel popped into the room.

"Surprise, I'm here for the festival!" shouted Spinel.

Little Dot snapped open her eyes and howled.


	8. Devil's Night

"Spinel what are you doing here?" said Steven.

"I told I'm here for the festival," Spinel's eyes sparkled. "What is that?"

She stretched her neck and peered down at the baby on Peridot's shoulder. The baby stopped crying and stared up at her.

"That is a recently emerged Era 2 Peridot and it is her bedtime," replied Peridot clutching the baby closer.

Spinel stretched out an arm and poked the baby. Peridot hissed at her.

"Spinel this isn't the best time," said a frustrated Steven.

"Why not?"

"Spinel I don't have time to entertain you. We spent all day searching for our lost pumpkin, meanwhile there are two FBI agents roaming the town. If they find Pumpkin or find out about the Gems living in town it's game over."

"That's okay, I have trading scrip," Spinel pulled out handful of gold ingots.

Peridot widened her eyes, "Oh my stars! That's a lot of scrip. Steven put the baby to bed. I'm going to help Spinel fit in."

"Do you think I have enough scrip for the fair?" asked Spinel as Peridot dragged her out.

"Spinel, you have enough scrip to buy the fair!"

"Have fun!" called out Steven.

As the were walking Spinel noticed that Peridot seemed to be searching for something.

"So where are we going?"asked Spinel.

"We're looking for Steven's father. Wherever he is, his mobile domicile is right there." replied Peridot.

Peridot made sure to keep out of sight. With two alien hunters and two FBI agents Spinel's rubbery limbs made it clear that she wasn't human.

"So I can't help but notice that Steven seems quite tired," asked Spinel.

"Steven and I have been searching the town all day for Pumpkin," said Peridot.

"By yourselves?"

"Well the other Gems know but they can't leave their workplaces. Ah we're here!"

Outside in Barb Miller's driveway stood Greg's van. Grabbing Spinel by the hand Peridot pounded on the door.

"Hey Steven's father we need some money and a costume," shouted Peridot.

The door swung open revealing a very angry Greg in a bathrobe. "Enough, Peridot I am not your personal bank. Spinel what are you doing here?!"

"Hi there I just came for the festival. I don't mean any trouble," Spinel held out her scrip. "I'm willing to pay you back."

Barb peered out from behind Greg. "Holy- that's a lot of gold! Greg let these two in."

Seeing the gold Barb became the perfect hostess. "Come in ladies, make yourselves comfortable." She motioned to the couch. "Now what brings you two here."

"Like I said we need a costume for Spinel and about $1000 so that she can enjoy the fair," said Peridot.

"You can have my costume. Do you have a place to stay, honey?"asked Barb.

"Spinel can stay at my domicile in Little Homeworld while's she's on Earth. It's safe there."

"That makes sense, Greg how about you take these two to the ATM."

Moments later Greg was driving the two Gems into Little Homeworld.

"Thank you, for driving us to my house, Greg," said Peridot.

"It's no trouble," replied Greg.

"Gee that baby of yours sure is cute, Peridot. I wonder if Steven could give me one," asked Spinel.

Greg slammed on the brakes. "Spinel, Steven isn't even 18!"

"What does that have do with anything? He's a Diamond. It would be no trouble for him to make me one."

"Spinel-"

"Greg," Peridot interrupted. "Gem reproduction is nothing like human reproduction. During Era 1 Gems were made by a Diamond's fluids being injected into the ground. A Gem would form based on the mineral there,"

"What sort of fluids?"

"Ah, we're here. Stop the car," squeaked Peridot.

The little Green Gem pulled Spinel right out of the van. As Greg sped off Peridot, dragged Spinel towards a small green house. Peridot opened the door revealing a high tech workshop.

"Well this is my workshop. It's not very much I know, but upstairs is the library and bedroom. If you want to go into town take the warp pad outside."

"Gee thanks, however could I make it up to you?"

"I'd like you to keep an eye the Era 2 Gems on Homeworld and could you track down and contact two Gems for me, Emerald cut 3VO and Jet 2BS."

"That's the least I can do. Now how about we go to the fair?"

"Make sure to put on your costume first."

"How do I look?"Spinel was dressed as the Grim Reaper. With the scythe she looked truly scary.

"Terrifying," replied Peridot. "Well I'm going to go to the fair for a little while. Do you want to come with?"

"Sure but what about Steven and the baby?"

"Steven really needs to take a break. He'll have a quiet night watching the baby."

At the beach house it was bath time. Little Dot giggled as Steven splashed her with some soapy bubbles.

"You like your bubble bath, don't ya?" said Steven.

Little Dot giggled again. She tried to bite a bubble. The expression of disappointment was priceless.

"Sorry kid that's the way the cookie crumbles," laughed Steven.

Suddenly Steven heard the front door swing open. He tensed and pulled the baby out of the tub.

"Don't move," he said as he formed his shield and stepped out.

"Steven! Where are you!" called out Connie.

"Connie what are you doing here?"

"I just wanted to go to the fair with my Jam Bud."

"Connie I can't. I'm watching little Dot tonight."

Connie frowned, "That's Peridot's job. Where is she anyways?"

"She's taking a break and showing Spinel the town."

"Steven you are not the baby's father. Peridot is taking far too many liberties. Why doesn't she go back to her own house?" said Connie as she took some food from the fridge.

"You know perfectly well that Little Homeworld is not baby friendly," A little cry came from the bathroom. "Oh she's crying. Connie I think you should leave."

He rushed to the bathroom. Little Dot was crying and shivering, "Oh you're cold aren't you? Let me dry you up."

Rubbing the baby with a towel he carried her out of the bathroom. He dressed her and then warmed up a bottle of Gem substrate.

"Now how about a little night time snack?" said Steven.

He fed little Dot and then rocked her. Soon they were both asleep.

At the haunted house Mulder and Scully screamed in laughter as giant bills chased them. They were almost at the exit when a cancer cell jumped right in front of them. With a dodge they were out and home free.

"That was the weirdest haunted house I have ever been in," laughed Mulder.

"Though you must admit the fears they depicted were spot on," added Scully.

Mulder yawned and put his arm around Scully, "I'm beat why don't we call it a night and take off these costumes?"

"Let's fortify ourselves first with some apple cider and some funnel cakes first."

Soon they found a likely spot. Sitting right in front of a food truck were some tables and chairs. As Scully sat waiting Mulder got a couple of ciders and a huge pastry and whipped cream creation. They set to work on the pastry.

"Fox, this has been the most fun I've had in a long time but-"

"but?"

"I can't help feeling that these folks are scared. Like they're hiding something."

"Yeah I get that feeling too- Scully over there by the pumpkin patch something's moving!"

He ran off. Scully sighed and took one last swig of cider and followed him into the night. A couple of minutes later Spinel and Peridot walked in and took a seat.

"I've seen so many pumpkins. What's the difference between yours?" asked Spinel.

"Our Pumpkin can actually move. She's a sentient vegetable that Steven made for me," replied Peridot.

"About those two government agents, why is Steven afraid of them? I thought he owned the Earth."

Peridot laughed, "No, no the Earth is under Steven's protection. Humans govern themselves. If the government became aware of our existence they would try to exploit us. After the water park closed we lost sight of the two agents."

"And Steven's afraid they're casing the joint right?"

"He is, I am not. From the looks of it they decided to enjoy the fair, not to continue their investigation. Are you eating that abandoned funnel cake?"

"What?! It's not like I can be poisoned!"

Peridot looked out at the fair. Pumpkin was out there all alone.

"C'mon Dana, it went that away!" shouted Mulder.

"Fox, what are we looking for?"

"I don't know but it was orange and it just went to those trash cans."

Sure enough there was something orange rooting around in the trash. Scully had no idea what it was until it stuck out its face? She ripped off her mask to get a better look.

"Omigod? Dana, that's a living pumpkin, a real life living pumpkin. This must be what killed Ronaldo Fryman."

The thing stayed perfectly still. It stared right at them.

"Fox, hold on. You're scaring it. I've got an idea."

Dana pulled out the candy apple she was saving. The pumpkin's gaze shifted. Dana stepped closer. "Here, Jackie, here Jackie. That's it come to me."

Pumpkin stepped out of the trash. It walked towards Dana and licked the apple. "You like that don't you?" Dana stroked it. The living gourd actually purred. Dana picked it up.

"Fox start the car. Now let's have some real fun!"

After reminding Spinel to actually pay for food, Peridot walked back to the beach house. It was a short walking distance so Peridot decided to enjoy the fresh air. She crept quietly up the stairs and opened the door. Steven and the baby were sound asleep in the rocking chair. Peridot gently shook Steven awake.

"I'm back, anything happen while I was gone?"

Steven rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. "Nothing."


	9. Halloween the Witching Hour

They were called children and the more Spinel watched them the more Spinel wanted them. The children in question were in a specially designed section of the park. Their parents watched on as they screeched with joy. Spinel thought the rides were boring but the kids seemed to enjoy them.

The bullhorn crackled, "Attention everybody Funland closes in half an hour. Make sure to pick up your little monsters before then."

One by one the fair rides shut down. Spinel followed the Gem staff to the warp pad. With the other Gems being busy at work Spinel never got a chance to play with them. Finally they were back in Little Homeworld. Now it was time to really cut loose.

"Hey, hey everybody. Fair's closed let's party!" shouted Spinel. She made a noisemaker and blew into it.

"Sorry Spinel we're beat," said Rhodonite finally fused.

"Work took a lot out of us. We're heading to bed," said a defective Obsidian.

It looks like she would have to entertain herself. Spinel walked towards Peridot's house only to see a Lapis leaving.

"Hey! Did you take Peridot's TV?" shouted Spinel.

"We share everything."

"From what I can tell sharing means asking first. Put that back," growled Spinel.

Lapis's hair fluttered menacingly. "Make me."

"How about I make you!" shouted a Bismuth as she grabbed the Lapis's shoulder.

After the Lapis left leaving the TV behind Bismuth turned to Spinel, "If you have any trouble with her call me. I know how to handle that upper crust."

Spinel walked into Peridot's house. Even with the TV back in place the home seemed – sparse. There was a blank space where the bed was supposed to be and the library had only technical files or books on gardening. Spinel stepped out to the back garden. It was a waterlogged mess. Little Homeworld was indeed not baby friendly. Spinel rolled up here sleeves. It was time to repay Peridot's kindness.

"Faster Mulder, faster," laughed Scully.

"Where are we going?" shouted Mulder over Pumpkin's loud barking.

They were racing away from Beach City. Speeding as fast as they could. Dana clutched the animated pumpkin to her chest while Mulder drove the car. Racing away with their ill gotten goods, it was just like Bonnie and Clyde.

"To Seaberg, there's an emergency veterinarian's clinic. Oceantown is compromised."

Soon enough they reached the St. Francis's animal hospital. Fox pushed open the door while Dana carried a yapping Pumpkin. They were about to reach the veterinarian's assistant when the doors flung open. A fisherman pushing a large fish on a gurney ran babbling to the assistant. Two more people rushed out put an IV on the fish and plunked it into a large tank of salt water before wheeling it away.

"That's odd," said Mulder.

"Not really, Atlantic tuna are a protected species," replied Dana.

They waited a couple of hours until the receptionist called them in. The head vet was waiting for them.

"Let me guess you trapped your dog in a pumpkin costume," the vet pulled out a pair of scissors.

"No!" cried Scully.

"FBI agents Fox Mulder and this is Dana Scully. We discovered an anomalous life form and need to use your equipment to study it."

"Really? For a dog in a pumpkin suit."

"It isn't a dog," snapped Dana.

"Yes, it is."

"No it isn't"

"Yes it is."

"Ladies, calm down," said Mulder. "Just let us use the X-ray machine and we'll prove it's not a dog."

The vet took Pumpkin from Dana's arms, "Great costume."

"It's not a costume," snapped Scully.

After bribing Pumpkin with some dog biscuits, they soon managed to get an X ray. Mulder, Scully and Dr. Quinn stared at the picture.

"Holy- it really isn't a dog! What is it?" exclaimed Quinn.

"A living Pumpkin," answered Dana.

"Still it's not the strangest patient I've had. Let's study it some more! I've got an MRI and a PET scan."

Mulder watched as Dana and the vet put the pumpkin through a variety of tests. It was clear that his wife was happy, gleeful even. And it looked like Dana made a friend. He yawned and decided to wait outside. Finally at about 4 am Dana shook him awake.

"Wake up sleepyhead. We've finished all the tests we could think of," said Scully.

The vet handed Mulder Pumpkin, "Now you should give your new pet plenty of water and sunshine. For a healthy diet give her canned or cooked pumpkin."

Mulder was about to pay her when the vet shook her head.

"This one's on the house. I've haven't had this much fun in a long time."

This time Scully drove them to their hotel while Pumpkin sat in his arms. The living gourd yawned. It had been a long night. When they reached their hotel room Mulder made a small animal bed and put Pumpkin on it. He and Dana stripped down and crawled into bed. He put his arm around Dana.

"Not in front of the pumpkin," scolded Dana.

Just as he was about to fall asleep Pumpkin started yapping.

"Why do you want boy?"asked Mulder.

Pumpkin scratched the door. "Do you want to go out?"

Pumpkin yapped again. "Okay let's go out."

In his boxers Mulder opened the door. Pumpkin bounded out. She ran into some bushes.

"What are you doing?" Mulder wondered out loud.

Pumpkin returned kicking her back legs behind her. Mulder sighed and stooped to scoop.

Once Mulder had returned to bed, Pumpkin jumped up and wedged herself between Mulder and Scully.

In a tiny basement in Beach City Mr. Fryman snickered. His special batch of apple cider was finished. It was those stupid Gem people's fault Ronaldo was dead and now he had the perfect payback.


	10. Treat or Treat

Even though the fair didn't open until noon Mr. Fryman had to work fast. He had carry his cider to Funland without being seen and have it ready before Mr. Smilely's Gems came in. As he crept up to the kitchen he was startled to see Peedee sitting in the kitchen.

"Dad, what are you doing?" asked his surviving son.

"I'm going to be drinking this cider I made. I want you to man the shop today," lied Fryman.

"But Dad you promised that you'd let me go to the fair."

"I really don't think that's appropriate do you? Now I want you to be at the shop."

"You always do this don't you? You promise me the day off only to find some excuse to take it back. Well Ronaldo was my brother! Don't you think I deserve some time off? Why don't we hire a Gem like-"

"Enough! There is no way we are hiring one of those Gems. Now get down to the shop, now!"

Just before he left Peedee gave a parting shot, "You know when Ronaldo left to hunt for aliens I thought he was crazy. I stayed home and ran the shop hoping to make you happy, to get your respect. I guess I was the crazy one."

It was the yapping that woke up Mulder. He opened his eyes. Outside it was bright daylight. His wife shifted in bed.

"Fox, what is it?" asked Dana.

"It's Jackie, do you want to go out boy?"

Pumpkin jumped off the bed, she picked up her bowl and dropped it. She started barking again.

"Jackie's hungry."

"What time is it?"

"About 10."

"Crap! no wonder why Jackie's hungry."

"How about we get some pet supplies and move out."

"You don't want to explore the town some more?"

"Dana, we have a clear timeline and proof of the paranormal right here with Jackie. We don't need anything else."

Pumpkin barked in agreement.

Spinel was still working in the garden when she noticed the other Gems in Little Homeworld leaving their homes.

"Wait! Where are you guys going?"asked Spinel.

"To the fair. We have to start up the rides and get it ready by noon. Want to come?" replied a strange looking Gem.

"Seeing that the fair is closed and I'm dirty I'll pass."

Biggs shrugged. She and several others warped to the fair. When they got there, there was a surprise waiting for them. There, on a card table was a small sign that said 'For all your trouble' and several glasses of cider.

"Hey look, Mr. Smilely left us a reward," cried Snowflake.

"That's strange, he's usually so stingy," remarked Tourmaline.

"Lapis what are you doing?"asked Biggs.

"Taking my fair share. I practically run the water park," said Lapis as she downed yet another glass of cider.

Peridot was feeding the baby when Steven got the call.

"Mr. Yellowtail, I'm sorry, I don't understand," said Steven into his cell.

"Give the phone to me, Steven," sighed Peridot.

Strangely enough Peridot was one of the few people who could understand Yellowtail and Onion. Peridot handed Dorothy to Steven as she took the phone. As Steven watched her smile faded and tears welled up in her eyes. Finally she thanked the fisherman.

"Yellowtail just told me that he saw the two FBI agents with Pumpkin at the vet's. They- they did some tests and then drove off after buying some dog toys. Oh Steven, who knows where she is or what they're planning to do with her?" Peridot sobbed.

"What's wrong?" asked Spinel.

"Spinel what are you doing here?!" blurted out Steven.

"Looking for a shower. Unfortunately, Peridot, your house isn't equipped with running water or furniture," replied Spinel. "Anyways, what happened?"

"Pumpkin taken by the FBI agents. They drove off with her after buying some toys," sobbed Steven.

"Who knows what they plan to do with her!" cried Peridot.

"Hold on. It's not that bad," said Spinel. "Yes, Pumpkin is gone but they're not going to hurt her. Think about it, they bought her toys. It sounds like they already love her. Does that help?"

"I guess it does," said Peridot wiping her nose.

Suddenly Steven's phone rang again. "Yes, Lapis is what?! And what about the water park? Oh! Don't worry Smilely. I'm right on it.- That was Mr. Smilely, Lapis came in drunk and since she was operating it, he had to shut down the water park."

"I'll get the robinoids," sighed Peridot.

"What about the baby?"asked Steven.

"I'll watch her," volunteered Spinel.

"Spinel, are you sure?" asked Steven. "You didn't even know what little Dot was yesterday."

"Perfectly sure. I took care of a big 12 foot tall baby for over 200 years."

Peridot looked at Steven. He nodded his head. It was decided. The two young people gave Spinel a long list of instructions. Spinel waved the baby's hand as the two warped into Little Homeworld. Once in town Peridot sighed.

"I wonder if Pumpkin misses us too?"

Pumpkin followed Mulder and Scully into the hotel diner. She sniffed the air tentatively. It smelled like coffee and cigarettes.

"Sir, Ma'am you cannot bring your dog into the diner," said the waitress.

"Jackie's not a dog. He's a robot we bought at the fair," said Mulder. "I'd like the breakfast platter with scrambled eggs and bacon."

"And I'd like the yogurt granola with orange juice and a side of steamed squash," added Scully.

Once the meal came Mulder placed the steamed squash in front of Pumpkin. She ate it and the bowl in one gulp. Time to explore. There were other humans in the diner. Pumpkin trotted by. They were not interesting except for one. A small strange smelling human sat in a high chair. Pumpkin trotted up and yapped. The little human giggled. She threw down a toy. Pumpkin ran In a circle and yapped again. This human was so much like the baby. Pumpkin stepped away and whimpered.

"There you are," said Scully as she picked up Pumpkin. "It's time to go home. Just one more stop."

In the pet store Pumpkin happily rode the shopping cart. Her new friends put into the cart treats, new toys and a brand new bed. New toys, no Lapis, Pumpkin could get used to this.

"Right, Dana I got the carrier,"said Mulder.

Pumpkin's smile dropped. Before the two agents could react Pumpkin leaped off the cart and ran as fast as she could out the door.

"Jackie, come back," cried Dana. "Oh no he's gone."

"Don't worry Dana. We know exactly where he's going," said Fox. He turned his gaze to the fair.

Back at the beach house Spinel was not having a good time. As soon as Steven and Peridot left the baby started screaming. Spinel tried rocking her, making funny faces, toys and even feeding her. Only to have little Dot to fling the bowl in her face. So now Spinel was pacing the house while the baby screamed for the past hour.

"Aww, what the matter? Do you miss your pumpkin?"asked Spinel. The baby stopped crying. "You do, don't ya? Well how about we go look for her. Would you like that?" The baby smiled. "I'll take that as a yes."

They had seen Pumpkin running towards the fair. Following straight on her leafy tail the two agents paid a rather distracted ticket seller and were off to the fair.

"Jackie, Jackie here boy," called out Mulder.

Dana scanned the horizon, "No good. I can't see him at all."

"That's fine. Let's try the Ferris wheel. We can cover more ground."

Moments later, the two were scanning the entire town or in this case towns.

"Nothing on this side what about you?" asked Dana.

"Looks like the cops have arrested the water park lady. Oh and there's another town inland," gasped Mulder.

"How could we miss that?"

"Well as far as I can tell it isn't on the main road. It's not on any road."

"Looks like we have another mystery to solve doesn't it?"

Benny's stomach growled. "I don't know why you insisted on buying two day passes. We don't have any money left for food let alone gas. Let's just cut our losses and head home."

"Didn't you read Ronaldo's reports? Beach City is a hub of weirdness. Let's just keep our eyes peeled and document what we can."

Benny grumbled about his stupid ipad.

"Look there's your Daddy," cried Spinel.

Steven turned around, "Spinel this isn't a good time. What are you doing?"

"Baby and I were just looking for Pumpkin. Weren't we?"

"Spinel it isn't safe. Someone poisoned the Gems. I've been around town rounding them up."

"Then where is it safe? Because little Dot is enjoying the great outdoors."

"Try the children's park. I insisted that Smilely hire humans there."

"Curiouser and curiouser," said Dana.

Weirdness was king at the fair. In the corner a scantily clad woman and a little red drawf made out. On a park bench an extremely long woman in a translucent costume lay sleeping on the bench. At least Mulder thought it was a costume. And finally a huge rainbow haired woman lugged two struggling costumed people away. Suddenly Mulder saw a flash of orange.

"Dana, I saw Jackie," cried Mulder as he pulled his wife by the arm.

They rounded the corner only to see a huge display of Jack O' lanterns.

"Shit!" cried out Mulder.

This was going to take a long time.

The two humans decided to play it casual pretending to marvel at the original carvings. They were alone except for a mother dressed like the grim reaper and her baby in the pram. Dana couldn't resist. She peered down in the pram and got the shock of her life.

Black eyes glared out from a little green face. A little green alien, the proof that her husband had been searching all those years frowned up at her.

"Fox, Fox! Come here, there's someone I want you to meet," hissed Dana.

"Is something the matter?"asked Spinel.

It happened so fast. A figure in a raincoat slammed into Dana and snatched the baby. The grim reaper blew into a horn. Fox turned around.

"Benny, I got it," shouted the figure as it ran away.

From the pumpkin patch Jackie launched himself at Terrance. The self proclaimed Truthknower dropped the baby while a huge pair of pink arms stretched out catching her. Terrance screamed as Jackie tore into him.

Mulder launched into action. He pushed the living pumpkin away, flipped the young man on his stomach and cuffed him.

"Terrance Brady, you are charged with the attempted kidnapping of a baby, assault of an officer and trespassing on government property. You have the right to remain silent-"

"It isn't a baby! It's not even human!" howled Terrance.

The crowd closed in around them. Several technicolor people stared down at the two. Their glares hostile. A small green form pushed through.

"Oh my Stars! Is the baby okay?" she rushed towards Scully and the grim reaper. Pumpkin ran up to her with a happy bark.

"Oh, she's fine. Pumpkin here saved her from that freak in the raincoat. She's a hero," said Spinel.

"Out of the way, I'm here for the fight," a teen aged girl holding a huge sword ran up to Mulder. "Now what are we going to do with you?"

Scully moved to reach her gun. Mulder waved her away.

"Connie put the sword down," cried Steven.

"Steven, they're dangerous. They can't be allowed to know what's going on," said Connie. She did take her eyes off of Mulder.

"Oh we know exactly what's going on." Scully continued, "Ronaldo Fryman was not a well man. Being prone to delusions it did not help that there is an alien colony living right here in Beach City. He was particularly focused on Peridot and the baby. So on the night on the 27th when her boyfriend was away-"

"He's my boyfriend not hers!" shouted Connie.

"As I was saying, Ronaldo called up his friends and tried to kidnap Peridot. He was stopped by this pumpkin who bit his leg. Normally this was not a problem but Mr. Fryman was allergic to pumpkins. While in the throes of anaphalactic shock you, Peridot, called for help. Most likely Dr. Maheswaran but by the time she got there it was too late.

So for the sake of the rest of his family and the town you set up the body. I imagine you just wanted to get rid of any incriminating equipment and clothing but as you peeled layer after layer of clothing there was just more and more embarrassing items. Finally Dr, Maheswaran took the naked body to Ocean City general while the clothing and equipment was dumped in the ocean.

When we came around the entire town worked swiftly. You shut down Ronaldo's blog, cleared out and shut down the lighthouse. Meanwhile Peridot and the pumpkin stayed indoors while we sniffed around town. It was all working so well until your pumpkin escaped and we found him."

"So now you've found us out," said Steven. "We may seem strange, alien even-" Mulder made a face. "But despite the fact we aren't human we are more alike than you think. We want the same things you do, a home, a good job and a family. We've been living peacefully in Beach City for years.

I may seem young but I've been around. If you tell the government about us, they'll take us away and try to exploit us. We haven't hurt anybody can't you just leave us be?"

Scully looked at the baby and Pumpkin. The baby snuggled the living gourd in her pram. What could she say? She didn't want to break up a friendship.

"Okay, Ronaldo Fryman was a clearly dangerous young man. He tried to kidnap a young mother and her baby only he was stopped by the family pet. It's a story I've seen again and again. With a little creative editing no body will have to know about your little secret," said Scully.

"Well then that's settled. Connie, let Mr. Mulder go," said Steven.

"Steven this isn't settled," said Bismuth. "The person who poisoned our friends is still out there."

"We can help you with that," said Mulder.


	11. Day of the Dead

True to their word Mulder and Scully set up shop in the closed fried vegetable stand. Not that the staff were drunk but who wants to buy vegetables when they're at the fair? With the equipment taken away it was now time to interview the witnesses.

"Okay Bismuth, who have we got?" asked Dana.

"We have Ocean Jasper. She runs the teacup ride," announced Bismuth.

She placed Ocean Jasper on the chair in front of Mulder and Scully's desk.

"Miss Bismuth, that's a Gem in some sort of bubble," said Scully.

"Oh, sorry," Bismuth popped the bubble. An orb of white light formed around the Gem and formed into a huge pastel colored naked woman with horns.

"I am the Queen of the teacups," announced Ocean Jasper.

"Right Ocean Jasper is it? Can you tell us what happened to you," asked Mulder.

"The fairground is my kingdom!" shouted Ocean Jasper.

Bismuth laughed nervously, "Sorry about that I thought that poofing her would sober her up. I'll just take her away to let her sleep it off." She led the clearly drunk Gem away.

Soon Bismuth returned looking sheepish.

"Are there any Gems sober enough to tell us what happened?"asked Mulder. Bismuth shook her head. "What about Terrance?"

"Dr. Maheswaran is giving him stitches. Pumpkin really tore him up."

"Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy. And his friend Benny Sprat," asked Dana.

"He took off. Sheriff Freeman has put out an APB out on him,"answered Bismuth.

"Right are there any other developments?" asked Mulder.

"Peridot found some cider in the staff tent. She'll have the results tomorrow," reported Bismuth.

"I should go check on her," said Scully.

"I'll check the fairground's video tapes," said Mulder.

One of the few sober Gems led her to the warp pad in the staff room. Scully gasped. With a flash of light Scully found herself in the Gem town. She stumbled.

"The 4th dimensional is always disorienting the first time. I'll take you to Peridot's lab," said it was the waitress Scully had met earlier.

The shark like Gem led Scully to a small two storey green house. In front of the house was little Dot's stroller and a couple of pots of local wildflowers. Once inside Scully gawked.

Every wall was covered in shelves full of equipment. Some salvaged from Earth, many obviously alien. Spherical robots of all sizes scurried around the floor while under the sunroof stood a worktable with Peridot and the baby looking at a large computer monitor.

"Nice place," said Scully.

"Mmm yes, I've done an analysis of the cider and have detected traces of magnesium sulfate, sodium bicarbonate carbonate, sodium hexametaphosphate and various phenols," announced Peridot.

"Bath salts?"

"Yes, deliberately added. Harmless to humans but very much toxic to Gems. If ingested the minerals latch onto the victim's gem lattice where they create symptoms very much like alcohol poisoning."

"Yes er very good," said Scully.

"Is there something the matter?"" asked Peridot.

"It's just the baby. Can I hold her?"

"I'm only doing this because I need to use both hands," said Peridot as she handed her the baby.

Once in the baby was in her arms Dana fell in love. She lost herself in those little black eyes. Dana heard Peridot mention something about the note and the handwriting.

"- did you get all that?"asked Peridot.

"Sorry can you say that again?" Dana snapped back to reality.

"Can I have my baby back now? You seem very taken by her" observed Peridot.

"Sorry it's just that she's so cute."

"You have a partner. We don't just make a baby with him?"

"It's complicated. Let's just it isn't – safe for us to have a baby."

Sensing Scully's pain Peridot awkwardly patted Scully back, "There, there."

Mulder looked at the single video tape taken at Funland's main gates. Behind him stood Mr. Smilely giggling nervously.

"Do you mean to that in the entire fairground you only have one video camera?" said Mulder incredulously.

"Well we have others, they're just not working," Smilely tittered.

"You mean the rest are just dummy cameras?"

"No they're all broken, we have a rather - difficult child in town, He likes to play here after hours. Speak of the devil."

On the screen a small child carrying a can of spray paint ran up to the camera. He smiled evilly and filled lens with paint.

"That's even worse than smashing it. I least I can see it's broken," shouted Smilely.

"That happened at 4 am, leaving us with another 6 hours unaccounted for. Have you tried pressing charges, suing him?"

"You can't get blood from a stone," said Hiram Smilely darkly.

The uncomfortable silence broke when Scully burst into the room. "Have you finished looking at the tapes?"

"er, yes?"said Smilely.

"Good," she pulled Mulder up by the tie and dragged him out of the room.

"Dana, what are you doing?" asked Mulder.

"Shut up! Let's go back to our hotel room and do a thorough search of our bodily cavities," said Dana.

The next morning, Steven called a meeting at the hotel's diner. At a booth sat Sheriff Freeman, Steven, Mr. Smilely, Peridot and the baby and Agents Mulder and Scully. As Freeman shoveled in his lumberjack breakfast Peridot began.

"Yesterday I analyzed a sample of the apple cider found at the staff tent. From this I can conclude that the cider was tainted with bath salts," said Peridot.

"My God! Are you saying there's a designer drug ring running in the Delmarva area?" blurted out Freeman.

"No, it's much worse for us. Actually what was used was a Sour Apple bath bomb from Footsie Fresh. Though easily obtainable only someone who has knowledge of Gem physiology would even think to use it."

"That narrows it down quite a bit. And now we have two likely suspects. I just caught Benny Sprat trying to siphon gas at a truck stop this morning and Terrance Brady is well enough to interrogate," replied Freeman.

"No so fast. The Gems were found drunk _before_ the fair opened. What about the tapes?"asked Steven.

"I only had one camera and Onion Yellowtail broke it," tittered Smilely.

"As a result we have 6 hours unaccounted for," said Mulder.

"We'll put out a call for any witnesses. Though our best looking suspects are Sprat and Brady,"announced Sheriff.

"Well I guess that's it," said Smilely.

"Not so fast, drunk staff or not your theme park is in violation of several safety codes. We need to talk about right away," said Freeman. "I would like to have that note you found with the cider." Peridot handed a paper. "Wait, this is a photocopy!"

"I am in the process of analyzing the paper itself,"replied Peridot.

"Precisely what I was planning on doing," said Freeman. "Right, Agents Mulder and Scully you can interrogate the two suspects."

"Three suspects – that Onion kid," said Mulder.

"Right three suspects, the staff once they sobered up and any potential witnesses at my station. Smilely you can give me a sample of your handwriting and Peridot give me a written report on- are you two holding hands?"

Scully held up her wedding ring. "Hey, we're married."

"No conflict of interest there," muttered Freeman under his breath. "Right meeting adjourned."

A couple of hours later Mulder and Scully had the pleasure of interviewing their first suspect.

"Let me out! My rights are being violated," whined Terrance. The young man's face was covered in bandages.

They were in the interrogation room at the Ocean town police station. In front of them sat Terrance Brady. His face was covered in bandages courtesy of bite marks from Pumpkin.

"You tried to snatch a baby,"snapped Scully.

"That wasn't a baby. It's not even human."

"It looks like a baby," stated Mulder. "You know what else it looks like? First degree kidnapping. You came here at Ronaldo's invitation. You lay in wait afterwards and then you poisoned the staff at Funland. Once they were incapacitated you seized your chance and grabbed little Dorothy Peridot."

"There is no way you are pinning this on me. And what about that pumpkin thing? Have you seen what it did to my face? That thing's dangerous," said Terrance.

"I'd say you're the one that's dangerous,"said Scully.

Next came Benny Sprat. Unlike Terrance he sat glumly in his chair.

"Do you have something to say to us?"asked Scully.

"Nothing, I didn't even want to be here. But after Ronaldo died Terrance insisted that we stay to find out the truth for ourselves and look how that turned out. All our stuff, my mom's ipad, gone. We've been sleeping in the van for two days because Terrance said something would show up. Not like we could record it without a decent camera. I only agreed to it because Ronaldo's dad said he would give me back my ipad."

"Interesting, well we know that you poisoned the staff at Funland,"said Mulder.

"Hey! Those brownies were for personal use only!"snapped Sprat.

"We didn't find any brownies," said Dana.

"That bastard! I'm going to kill Terrance!" Benny remembered himself. "It's just a saying. Not like I would- he he. I'm going to stop now."

"We'll get you a separate cell. Thank you for your time," Dana motioned for the guard.

"All I wanted to do was prove to my mom that I can do more than sell her stupid scented candles. Instead I wasted my money on two day passes."

"Wait didn't you break into Funland?"

Benny pulled on his belly fat. "Do I look like I could break in?

The final suspect Onion was placed before them with a woman with a huge haircut standing off to the side.

Onion just stared at them while the woman glared at the two agents.

"Excuse me, who are you?"asked Mulder.

"I'm Vidalia Yellowtail, Onion's mother. If you want to question Onion you have to go through me."

"Alright then, Onion we have record of you breaking into Funland at about 4:00 am. Tell us what you were doing," said Mulder.

Onion just stared at the two agents and continued to eat something from a bag.

Scully's turn, "Okay young man you are in big trouble. We know you at the fair before opening. We know you have a record of vandalizing Mr. Smilely's property. At 10 am the staff at Funland were poisoned. Now why did you want to hurt them?"

Now Onion reacted. Visibly upset he muttered something into his mother's ear. Scully didn't hear it but Vidalia's reacted instantly. She put the little boy over knee and proceeded to spank him. Knocking over the table the two agents restrained her.

"Stop it, this isn't helping," shouted Dana.

"What did he say?" asked Mulder.

Vidalia broke down, "Onion I can't cover for you anyone. I tried to do right but, but I can't get through to you."

Trembling Onion sat in a corner. He started stuffing himself with the things in the bag again.

"Tell us what he said. It's better for him if you do," said Dana.

"Onion, said he would never hurt the Gems. They're his friends. Mr. Smilely was being mean to them so he sabotaged the roller coaster," sobbed Vidalia.

"Which one?" asked Mulder.

"I don't know."

Dana turned to Onion, "Onion I know you can understand us. What did you do?"

Onion just continued eating.

"Gimmie that!" said Mulder.

Inside the bag were countless diamonds. From the looks of it they were very valuable and very real.

"Dana, call the ambulance, right away," shouted Mulder.

"This is what I put up with," sobbed Vidalia. "You can be looking right at him and he's still getting into trouble."

Meanwhile Sheriff Freeman at Peridot's house. As Peridot worked on her equipment he made faces at the baby.

"Can I help you?" said Peridot pointedly.

"I just want to get the results of the on the note right away," replied the Sheriff."Peekaboo!"

The baby startled started crying. Peridot rushed over and picked her up, "It's okay mother's here."

Suddenly the modified microwave dinged. As it spat out a stream of paper Peridot started reading.

"Hmm, according to this there are traces of oils on the paper," said Peridot.

"What sort of oils?"

"Cooking oils, canola oil, peanut oil, rendered beef fat, to name a few."

"Something you find at a restaurant."

"A very cheap restaurant. There are a lot of trans fats. If I was human I wouldn't eat there."

"So we're looking at a food worker in a cheap restaurant. That's half the town."

"There are only 75 humans in Beach City."

Mulder sat waiting by the telephone. With the sheriff at Little Homeworld and Scully accompanying Onion and his mother to the hospital Mulder was alone and very bored. In a half trance he nearly leaped in the air when the telephone rang.

"Hello, Ocean town Sheriff's office, Mulder speaking." An intelligible muttering assaulted his ears. "Sir, can you speak slowly I can't understand." The muttering slowed down. "Mr. Yellowtail is it? It sounds like you have something important to tell me. Meet me at the Sheriff's office in an hour."

Strangeness and more strangeness thought Mulder. After Scully had returned from the hospital a small very hairy man in sat front of them with Peridot in the back. He muttered just like his son, just like he did on the telephone.

"He says his that his son is innocent," said Peridot. "And he has proof. Early in the morning he saw Mr. Fryman driving towards Funland."

"Mr. Fryman as in Ronaldo Fryman's father?" asked Scully.

"Yes, and I found large traces of cooking oil, on the note," said Peridot.

"Mr. Yellowtail when did you see Mr. Fryman?"asked Mulder.

Peridot translated his muttering, "He says about 8."

The two agents looked at each other. Mulder spoke up, "Let's go pay Mr. Fryman a visit."

Soon Mulder and Scully were on the boardwalk with Sheriff Freeman. They walked slowly towards Beach City Fries passing a ice cream store, a T shirt shop and a candy store. They found Mr. Fryman at the front window playing with a brand new ipad.

"Nice ipad, that's Benny's isn't it," said Freeman.

"Mr. Fryman you are under arrest for over 25 cases of assault by poisoning, reckless endangerment and depraved indifference to human life," stated Mulder.

"Those things aren't human. They killed my boy," shouted Fryman.

"But the patrons at the fair were," said Scully.

"And Ronaldo got himself killed trying to kidnap Peridot,"added Mulder.

"Ronaldo wasn't well if it weren't for those freaks-"

"Dad, stop it," shouted Peedee. "Ronaldo's dead and now you care? You wouldn't even pay for his funeral. I saw him leave with a batch of cider officers."

The fight went out of Fryman he sobbed as the sheriff led him away.

"I wonder how we're going to have to report this?" wondered Scully.

"Don't worry, after years of dealing with – this I learned how to do some creative editing," said Freeman.

Later as the couple were driving home Dana turned to her husband"Fox we found the proof you were looking for all these years, an entire town full of aliens and you just let them go. In fact, you helped hide the evidence why?"

"Because they were innocent. They never hurt anyone. If I was to let out their secret the government would take them away just like they did my sister. Besides I didn't hide all the evidence." Mulder held up a bag full of pumpkin pulp and seeds.

"Oh Fox!"

"Let's do a little bit of gardening, baby." smiled Mulder.

Epilogue:

10 months later

Steven stood in front of the ruins of his beach house. Hurricane Ivan had destroyed it totally.

"Nooo!"cried Steven.

 _Disclaimer :I do not own Steven Universe nor the X files._


End file.
